so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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