Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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