The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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