is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
