Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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