i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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