i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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