Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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