Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
it glows. i had to have it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
