I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
