Buhtt sex?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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