evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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