It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
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I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
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I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I have post one night stand depression
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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