Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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