I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
