Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
