She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
