I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
wow bdsm is so cute
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
