My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
