She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
