fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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