sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
