I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize