my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
