Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
