I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
