I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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