the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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