Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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