You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
