Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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