Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
