Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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