Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
