apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
