If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
i now understand why vodka
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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