I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
