Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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