Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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