He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
