I must be too annoying 4 u.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
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Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
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Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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