She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
