If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
