You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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