Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
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