I think I am morally bankrupt
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
