two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
