Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
