So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
