dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
