Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
