I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
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if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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