I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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