So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i will never coherently bang her
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
