see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
NoShamevember. You game?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
