I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
