so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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