I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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