I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
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i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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