After last night, I could never be a politician.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize