I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
