i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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