if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
