i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
