i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
