I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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