Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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