whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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