I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
