Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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