we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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