bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
