At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
