is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize