am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
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any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
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There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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