i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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