I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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