the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
