he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
