I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
where are you?
Hypothermia
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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