there's paper in my vomit.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Randomize
