we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
